cristina montemayor
beauty writer/makeup artist



Hi. I'm Cristina.

You might know me from my days as a writer for Total Sorority Move, the now-defunct women's website that had a reputation for being either the most offensive or the most hilarious website for college-aged women out there, depending on who you asked. TSM was crude at times, but above all, it was honest about the experiences women faced as they navigated through the sublime hellscape that is college. TSM talked about gray-area rape before it was a thing, and we gave equal voice to whores and prudes alike. TSM had a personality that wasn't the same phony positivity that every other women's website preached, and unless you had a permanent stick up your ass, it was funny. My time at TSM was crucial for developing my voice as a writer and figuring out what it takes to craft an original piece of content that uniquely fits the brand and couldn't be found elsewhere. I worked with editors who believed in me, and I was allowed to take creative risks – something I wouldn't be able to do at any other women's publication. I wrote 650 pieces of content over the course of three years and accumulated over 13 million pageviews, and while my time at TSM has ended, it forever shaped my life and changed the trajectory of my career. I left with an unshakable confidence in my writing, incredible friends, and a lifelong hatred of big T-shirts. 

Now I'm a writer covering all things beauty for publications like Bustle, The Financial Diet, and others. I'm also pretty active on Twitter, where my tweets have been featured online in Vogue Australia, Cosmopolitan, Harper's Bazaar, Seventeen, Yahoo, Elite Daily, Perez Hilton, and Bustle.

I also dabble as a makeup artist. I was going to say, "as a wanna-be makeup artist," but what actually makes a makeup artist legit? I would think two things:

  1. The ability to do makeup on other people
  2. Getting paid for it

I can check off both of those boxes. Sure, those people are my friends, and yes, the payment was mostly in wine, but that's neither here nor there. If you're in the Austin area and you want me to come do your makeup while we talk shit about celebrities, drop me a line. 

Interested in hearing more about me or my work? Great, because I love indulging my inner narcissist. Let's talk. 




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